Christmas Is For Everyone (or: I'm returning to Haiti!)

Dear Friends,

Charles Dickens once wrote that "it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself." If we each look back I'm sure that somewhere we have some happy memory from the holidays. Like me, you may not remember the exact gifts you received in your early years, but the feeling I had after opening each present, knowing someone cared and thought about me, I still remember and cherish to this day. Sadly, however, there are many children who do not get the chance to receive gifts for Christmas. December 25^th is merely one more day of the year. For children in Jacmel, Haiti they can only dream of getting any type of gift for Christmas. Without basic necessities like clean water the idea of a material present is just a dream.

In January 2011, I will be making a return trip to Jacmel with Restore Haiti (www.restorehaiti.com) to distribute Christmas gifts to the children of the city. You may be slightly confused by the timing – “Christmas is in December, isn't it?” you might ask. Yes, but due to a burst of cholera outbreaks and rioting caused by the recent elections in the country our team's trip has been postponed until early January. This delay, although caused by unfortunate circumstances, has also been a blessing, for me at least, as it opened up an opportunity for me to join the team. This being said, our trip is even more important than ever. I personally hope to bring some sort of respite to the children from these crazy and dangerous times.

Thanks to an overwhelming response the team has received the needed gifts to give to these children. We covet still your fervent prayers as well as your financial support. I need to raise $1,025 by January 3^rd, 2011. There are several ways you can help, any of which would be greatly appreciated.

If you are in the Nashville area, I will be acoustically performing Christmas carols to raise some of the needed funds. Please come and join me in celebrating Christ's birth via song! I will be releasing the exact dates and times very soon. For those of you who love homemade baked goods but don't have the time/touch, I am selling cakes/cookies/cheesecakes/etc made to order. Just be sure to get your order in soon! And if you'd like to help the old-fashioned way with a tax-deductible donation, you can do so via Paypal (my address is saminsocks @ hotmail.com) or send me a message and I will provide you with my address.

Christ came into this world with the purpose to give the gift of eternal life to us. Sure, America has made Christmas into a material driven holiday, but the tradition of presents given to those we love is a simple illustration of Christ's true selfless love for us. Please help me give this opportunity to the children of Jacmel.

With sincerest thanks,

Sandrene R. Mathews

Most of my journal entries have been about things I've learned and discovered, about God, about myself, and about the world. Lately I've been struggling with the things I haven't yet discovered, or those things I've yet to experience. Although I don't have answers, I feel I need to write about those things now, as well as what I've concluded thus far concerning them. I've been trying to do this for awhile and haven't been able to, so I think my best method is to just write out a few lists and see what happens from there.


List 1 - Biblical truths and concepts I've yet to experience or grasp
1. Understanding God as our Father - 1 John 3:1
My father died when I was only a few weeks old. My mother never remarried, and there were very few men in our family, so I didn't really have a father figure. I saw a few examples of fathers with their children, most notably at my godparents' house, but generally the children did their thing and the adults did theirs, so I didn't interact much with him, nor witness much interaction between him and his two children. So, with that being my only example, my idea of a father was someone who worked to provide for his family, supervised us when we needed it and disciplined us when we deserved it. My memory of him was as a kind man, albeit, intimidating at times, but distant. Someone who was there but not really an active part of any of our lives. I came to realize this wasn't always the case as I got older and saw more of my friends and their relationships with their fathers and then later as my friends became fathers themselves. But by that time I was 12 and my ideas on the subject had already been formed. That, coupled with the fact that I've only ever been an observer of a father/child relationship has made it difficult to understand who God is in that regard.

2. Understanding Jesus as our brother - Hebrews 2:11
As an only child, this one has been a bit difficult for me to grasp as well. I have been fortunate enough to have friends who "adopted" me as part of their family, even if just for a short while, but even then, I still felt like an outsider observing their family. There are things about sharing a home while growing up, rejoicing and mourning together over things that happen in that home, that can't be reproduced no matter how much you try to include someone else. I've never experienced the close bond of sisterhood or the feeling of safety knowing my brother was there to watch out for me.

3. Understanding Jesus as our friend - Proverbs 18:24
I have lots of friends. More friends than I can keep up with. But when I read what the Bible says about friendship, all of those relationships seem superficial. My experience, especially lately, has been that friends are people you call when you're bored and want something to do, or you need something they can provide. There are very few friends that I know well enough to know their struggles, their achievements, their goals, their fears and really much else about them other than where they work or go to school and what toppings they like on their pizza. Yet I know that Jesus must want so much more than that. 1 John is all about love and relationships, and 1 John 3 tells us we show love by laying down our lives for each other. I try to lay down my life for others, but always fail miserably. And I don't know if any of my friends would be willing to give up what is going on in their life for me. Our lives have become so self focused, even when doing things for others it's hard to not think about what we might get out of it. Even when our intentions are pure, we often hold back what we can offer in order to not get hurt. I love my friends and know they're good people. But nothing comes close to the love Jesus has, who gave up everything just to be our friend. And I know that's the point. But I still don't understand it.

4. We are not meant to be alone - Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:10
I've spent most of my life feeling very alone. Although I'm sure it probably happened earlier than this, the first time I remember being hugged was when I was 11 or 12. I remember this because it was so unexpected and I wasn't sure how to react. I was hugged first by my friend, who wasn't even a close friend yet, and then by her mother. After that, it still took a long time for me to become accustomed to people hugging me, and even now I always wait for the other person to initiate the hug. I was an exceptionally shy child growing up, who seldom spoke unless spoken to. I've overcome my shyness but the socially awkward part of me is still very present. I don't know how to relate to people and that keeps most people at a distance. I also became very independent, by necessity, and most people recognize that and think I don't need anything. And that may be true, in a purely metaphysical way. But not in a spiritual way. God recognized in the first man that we should not be alone. The wisest man ever to live realized that we shouldn't do everything on our own. I may not need someone to help me fix my car, but it's nice to have assistance. I have no problem going to see movies alone, but it's nice to have company. There have been many times when I've nearly fallen down, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and other times when I've held back from doing something for fear of falling down. But I did not trust that there would be someone there to pick me up.

While dwelling on these points, it caused me to reexamine my faith in God and the sacrifice of His Son, and even after such testing it is still intact. Even while my soul is longing for understanding I am able to worship. And I wondered why that was. Some would say I am holding on to religion out of desperation, because I have nothing else. But I think that it would be easier to ignore what I've never had if I didn't place a spiritual significance with it. My life was, and still is, far from bad. I grew up surrounded by people who love me and continue to be surrounded by love, even if that love isn't always manifested in ways I can see. If I didn't believe in Jesus' sacrificial love, I wouldn't expect sacrifice from others. So I don't think I hold on to my faith because I think I need it. In all honesty, life often seems like it would be so much easier without it, at least until I got to a "better" spot in life where believing didn't seem to get in the way.

So why have faith? Because even though I feel like I am lacking, I know in other areas I have been given in abundance. I quit my full-time, steady job in April and haven't worked more than 40 hours in a month, let alone a week, since then. My savings and student loan money ran out in September and I was having a harder time finding a job than I thought I would. I was turned down for several jobs that I seemed perfect for, even though it seemed when I left the interview they were ready to hire me on the spot. But other opportunities were also presented, which provided me with just enough for what I needed, and led to me making great friendships that will outlast any job I could have had. And that is just one example of how has provided. I could go on and on. It is unfair of me to expect everything from God and then only give Him partial faith. If I believe that He has fulfilled some of His promises, I must believe that He will fulfill them all. The Bible is an all or nothing book.

Not that it helps with the hurt. But at least when I look past the pain, I realize there is hope.

Word in Action

Several Sundays ago, I went to the Set Free church. Set Free is a mission ministry for homeless men, run by men who were formerly homeless. They have two shelters in town and hold church services in one of the buildings on Sunday morning. After being in a place that has such big production services, with full rock band and lights and video, it was nice to attend a service with just a handful of people using nothing but our voices to praise the Lord.

After the service, I met a man named Bill. Bill used to be in a quartet and he told me how his quartet sang at his wedding. The only song they knew at the time was Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. He also told me that they held their wedding in a coffee shop, one that was created for homeless people to have a place to hang out in. Because of this, none of his wife's wealthy friends wanted to come to the wedding. Bill told me they went out and invited all the street people they could find, and they came to the wedding instead. Bill also told me that they hadn't planned a reception, but someone donated a bunch of bagels and drinks and so they were able to provide food for their wedding guests. A band that had been in town also offered to play at their reception. So this wedding, that was originally planned to be very small and could have turned out to be a disaster, became an event much larger than they could have imagined, and a direct reflection of the story in the Bible.

I don't know Bill well enough to know how much truth is in his story. But I want it to be true. And I believe he believes everything he remembers about it. This story is a great example of how God is the same today as He has always been. The great works He performed in the times of the Bible, He is still performing now.

But it doesn't stop there. Sadly, Bill's marriage wasn't nearly as perfect as his wedding, and he and his wife are no longer together. It's hard to imagine how someone could experience something so perfect, something so obviously ordained by God, and still walk away from it. Yet people do that every day. God continues to perform miracles, yet people reject Him, they mock Him, they tell Him He doesn't know what He's doing. Even as we fail daily and sin, we are discrediting God's perfect design. A great experience, a miracle, helps in strengthening our faith, but it does not perfect that. Perfect faith can only come through time. Bill still has faith, which is an amazing thing. I hope that when the miracles in my life turn to imperfections, I can say the same thing.

Tonight, while I was working, I was listening to Sam Cooke songs on Napster. His rendition of "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen" came on, a version I hadn't heard before. Now, when I think of this song, as I suspect many people do, I think of it as it is portrayed in the Lion King, all sad and gloomy and with a lot of woe is me angst. I've always thought of it as a self pity song. But in Sam Cooke's version, the tempo and vocals are much more cheerful and he ends the main riff with "glory, Hallelujah!" At first this seemed to be somewhat of an odd phrase to add to the song, but then I changed my perspective of the lyrics and it made perfect sense.

When sung as a praise, it could be taken to mean he recognizes the hardships he's had to go through in life, and is grateful that no one else has had to endure it. This would imply that although he is struggling on the inside, on the outside he still appears strong. Not a fake strength to put on a happy face, but a strength that can only be found in having the joy of the Lord. It reminded me of the passage where Jesus instructed people not to tear their clothes and put on sackcloth when they mourn, as was the custom. Just because we're going through hard times it doesn't mean we should throw ourselves pity parties and let everyone know about our trouble. This is not to say that we can not employ the help of trusted and faithful friends when necessary. But the purpose of our trials is not to gain the sympathy of others, but to produce endurance, according to the book of James. It is my prayer that I can sing joyfully about the troubles I've seen and, when reflecting on them, cry out "glory, Hallelujah!"

This past week I was a small group leader for vacation bible school. I taught a group, primarily of boys, who had just graduated from 4th grade, so 9 and 10 year olds. Each child had such a unique personality but they were all some of the greatest kids I've ever worked with. One boy in particular caught my attention. He reminded me of the type of kids that would be my favorites when I worked at camp, except this boy was much more well behaved. One thing that struck me was that whenever we finished doing something, whether it was an object lesson during small group time or a craft, he would ask me if he could throw it away. I told him he could if he really wanted to, but asked if he had anyone he could give it to and he said no. On the second day they made bandannas in craft time. He threw it away, but I went back and picked it up. I think he saw me as I was folding it and put it in my pocket, but didn't say anything. The fourth day, they made bible covers. He asked me again if he could throw it away, but this time I asked him to take it home with him so he had time to think about it, and then if he really didn't want it, he could throw it away there. He smiled and said ok. The next day they made necklaces in crafts. This time he didn't ask me if he could throw it away.

I don't know if anything I taught this week about the bible sunk in with any of them. But it was such a blessing to me to watch him, and the rest of them, come out of their comfort zones and allow me to care for them. It's my prayer that by showing them that they're worthwhile to me, they learn to discover their own worth, and realize that they're also worthwhile to God.