This is not a light task. For God's Name to be hallowed, we must cast aside who we want God to be and whatever idea we have of God and allow Him to be who He is, not the limited God we try to create Him to be.
There has been an overwhelming theme in my life lately. The theme is to get real. To stop hiding behind who we think we should be and who we think people will like and be the person we were created to be.
Sex sells. Ideas of money, fame, etc. all revolve around that same idea. Even before we became a culture that is oversexualized, people would brag about their sexual conquests, whether or not they were true. We also brag about money, we brag about status, we brag about anything that we think will make us cooler. What if being true to ourselves became cool? I believe that people hide now because they don't know how to be any other way. We do things we don't necessarily want to because we think it will bring us happiness and popularity. What would the world be like if we were happy with who we were and accepted others for who they were?
God doesn't feel the need to market Himself as anything other than who He is. God also made us to be His beautiful creation. So when we are true to ourselves, we can better see Him for who He is. Or maybe, for some, it must happen the other way around. Maybe we can only see our beauty when we truly see the beauty of our Lord. Either way, once we see and know Him and see and know ourselves, we can see and know others and see their beauty as well. In that way, we would come to live in a world of trust, instead of a world of lies and masks.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Love Your Enemies
Matthew 5:43-45
Who is my neighbor? Who is my enemy? Can those who were once my neighbor become my enemy? Can someone be both my neighbor and my enemy?
Lately, I have felt very unvalued by my friends. Everyone is so focused on their life, or the lives of those they chose to be a part of, but my life is taken for granted. I feel this has been a constant way of my life. So, although these are friends who claim to love me, their disregard for my feelings make them an enemy to my life.
I've spent most of my life taking care of others, with no one to take care of me. Most of the time I'm ok with this, but at other times it gets overwhelming. I then withdraw until I realize I don't want to be alone and unused anymore. So I resume my role as helper, without addressing anything. I don't know if this is what it means to love our enemy. Loving our enemy doesn't make them any less of an enemy. By ignoring what's been done, we diminish our love for them. We say "I will forget about what you've done so I can love you" instead of "despite what you've done I will love you." The verses in Matthew prior to these talk about turning the other cheek.
There is an inherent problem with the phrase "forgive and forget." While we must forgive before we can love, and forgiveness means we don't hold things against others, to forget allows us to become vulnerable to the same thing happening, to us becoming part of a horrible cycle. Remembering allows us to put up necessary boundaries. We are not called to keep everyone close. Even Jesus had a few close friends among his many followers. It is necessary to know what role people play in our lives so we can love them for who they are, not resent them for not being who we created them in our mind to be.
"We must listen with our ears and our hearts or we will not get past the judgement of our eyes." - Malcolm Gladwell
Who is my neighbor? Who is my enemy? Can those who were once my neighbor become my enemy? Can someone be both my neighbor and my enemy?
Lately, I have felt very unvalued by my friends. Everyone is so focused on their life, or the lives of those they chose to be a part of, but my life is taken for granted. I feel this has been a constant way of my life. So, although these are friends who claim to love me, their disregard for my feelings make them an enemy to my life.
I've spent most of my life taking care of others, with no one to take care of me. Most of the time I'm ok with this, but at other times it gets overwhelming. I then withdraw until I realize I don't want to be alone and unused anymore. So I resume my role as helper, without addressing anything. I don't know if this is what it means to love our enemy. Loving our enemy doesn't make them any less of an enemy. By ignoring what's been done, we diminish our love for them. We say "I will forget about what you've done so I can love you" instead of "despite what you've done I will love you." The verses in Matthew prior to these talk about turning the other cheek.
There is an inherent problem with the phrase "forgive and forget." While we must forgive before we can love, and forgiveness means we don't hold things against others, to forget allows us to become vulnerable to the same thing happening, to us becoming part of a horrible cycle. Remembering allows us to put up necessary boundaries. We are not called to keep everyone close. Even Jesus had a few close friends among his many followers. It is necessary to know what role people play in our lives so we can love them for who they are, not resent them for not being who we created them in our mind to be.
"We must listen with our ears and our hearts or we will not get past the judgement of our eyes." - Malcolm Gladwell
Sunday, October 20, 2013
In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus tells us that when we are angry we are subject to judgement, and when we call each other names we are at risk of being subject to the fire of hell. Not all anger is sinful, but when we take our anger and place it in contempt of others, we insult God's creation and thus insult God Himself.
Raca = you idiot
You fool = you moron
Entertaining rage and bitterness allows it to take hold of your life. It overruns us and does not leave room for joy and love. For many people, it can completely demolish their lives. it can be difficult to turn around from such a state, and impossible to do without God.
Lashing out toward others places us on a fast track of isolation, which is our hell. God will always stand on the side of love. But what causes us to insult others? Fear. Pride. Pain. Things only He can take away. As humans, we fail and hurt others. But if we repent, we can be saved.
James talks about the power of the tongue. The tongue has the power to kill. Too often we hear of people who hurt themselves, and sometimes even kill themselves, because of bullies. I joke that my superpower is to make people feel the way I want them to. But it is true, not just of me but of everyone. In my last entry, I wrote about the Eccelsia sermon on words. Cory Monteith's death was a result of lack of good words. Whatever happened in his life, it was never enough. It is my desire that with everyone I encounter I let them know they are enough.
God is perfect, yet He finds it in Himself to forgive. And to love. So why do we think we are better than God, that we are too good to forgive and to love as He does?
Raca = you idiot
You fool = you moron
Entertaining rage and bitterness allows it to take hold of your life. It overruns us and does not leave room for joy and love. For many people, it can completely demolish their lives. it can be difficult to turn around from such a state, and impossible to do without God.
Lashing out toward others places us on a fast track of isolation, which is our hell. God will always stand on the side of love. But what causes us to insult others? Fear. Pride. Pain. Things only He can take away. As humans, we fail and hurt others. But if we repent, we can be saved.
James talks about the power of the tongue. The tongue has the power to kill. Too often we hear of people who hurt themselves, and sometimes even kill themselves, because of bullies. I joke that my superpower is to make people feel the way I want them to. But it is true, not just of me but of everyone. In my last entry, I wrote about the Eccelsia sermon on words. Cory Monteith's death was a result of lack of good words. Whatever happened in his life, it was never enough. It is my desire that with everyone I encounter I let them know they are enough.
God is perfect, yet He finds it in Himself to forgive. And to love. So why do we think we are better than God, that we are too good to forgive and to love as He does?
Thursday, August 29, 2013
...because He first loved me.
I've written a lot about love. If you don't want to sort through all my old posts you can read my most verbal entry about love here. That entry is full of verses and truths. This entry will be filled with opinion. I try to shy away from doing that, but I feel it is founded opinion and I need to get it out.
When I was a kid, the pastor at my church often sang the song "Oh, How I Love Jesus." One day when she sang it she started with an intro of "Sandrene, do you love Jesus?" to which I had to sing back. She followed up with "Do you really love Jesus?" and "Tell me why you love Jesus." I listed off all my multitude of reasons, in true 7 or 8 year old fashion. She then did this with several other kids in our group, then asked us to ask her. When she got to "Tell me why you love Jesus?" she also listed several reasons, and then followed up with the last line of the chorus, "because He first loved me." At that moment, it breathed new life into the meaning of that song for me, and the depth of my relationship with God.
So many people see the New Testament as the love story and the Old Testament as the book about the tyrant Father. And while the OT tells more stories about the vengeful side of God, the Bible tells us that God is always the same. So the God of love if the NT is the same God of the OT. And John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world..." It's not that Jesus came and then God loved. God loved, so Jesus came. The sacrifice of the Son was a manifestation of the Father's love for us, not a conduit that allowed Him to love, as some would frame it to be.
This just proves to me that love is reciprocal. And I see it echoed in life. As a child, I obeyed my mother because she loved me and I loved her. As an adult, I now do things for her because of that love relationship. The same is true of my friends. I spend time with them, listen to them, help them, not because I feel obligated to, but because I love them. Even with God, I obey His commands with gladness because I love Him. And because I know He loves me and wants what's best for me. In none of these situations is it a chore or feels like a list of demands or requirements for a relationship. For the most part, it comes naturally.
So, what of those who I don't give to as easily? And, more relevant to my current situation, what of those who don't give to me? The ones who don't ask what's wrong because they're afraid of the answer, or just don't want to spend time listening to it? The ones who won't commit to doing something in case something better comes along? The ones who choose what is convenient for them over a commitment made to a friend? To me, this is not love. And anything outside of love is not beneficial.
God loves regardless of who loves Him back. So, no matter how difficult it may be sometimes, I need to do the same. But there is also a separation between God and those who choose not to love Him. Part of me feels like this should be true of us as well. Letting people who only receive love into my inner circle has brought nothing but heartache. So, at least for a little while, I will hold people who do not actively love me back at arm's length away. My life may become an island as a result of it, but at least my island won't be on fire.
When I was a kid, the pastor at my church often sang the song "Oh, How I Love Jesus." One day when she sang it she started with an intro of "Sandrene, do you love Jesus?" to which I had to sing back. She followed up with "Do you really love Jesus?" and "Tell me why you love Jesus." I listed off all my multitude of reasons, in true 7 or 8 year old fashion. She then did this with several other kids in our group, then asked us to ask her. When she got to "Tell me why you love Jesus?" she also listed several reasons, and then followed up with the last line of the chorus, "because He first loved me." At that moment, it breathed new life into the meaning of that song for me, and the depth of my relationship with God.
So many people see the New Testament as the love story and the Old Testament as the book about the tyrant Father. And while the OT tells more stories about the vengeful side of God, the Bible tells us that God is always the same. So the God of love if the NT is the same God of the OT. And John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world..." It's not that Jesus came and then God loved. God loved, so Jesus came. The sacrifice of the Son was a manifestation of the Father's love for us, not a conduit that allowed Him to love, as some would frame it to be.
This just proves to me that love is reciprocal. And I see it echoed in life. As a child, I obeyed my mother because she loved me and I loved her. As an adult, I now do things for her because of that love relationship. The same is true of my friends. I spend time with them, listen to them, help them, not because I feel obligated to, but because I love them. Even with God, I obey His commands with gladness because I love Him. And because I know He loves me and wants what's best for me. In none of these situations is it a chore or feels like a list of demands or requirements for a relationship. For the most part, it comes naturally.
So, what of those who I don't give to as easily? And, more relevant to my current situation, what of those who don't give to me? The ones who don't ask what's wrong because they're afraid of the answer, or just don't want to spend time listening to it? The ones who won't commit to doing something in case something better comes along? The ones who choose what is convenient for them over a commitment made to a friend? To me, this is not love. And anything outside of love is not beneficial.
God loves regardless of who loves Him back. So, no matter how difficult it may be sometimes, I need to do the same. But there is also a separation between God and those who choose not to love Him. Part of me feels like this should be true of us as well. Letting people who only receive love into my inner circle has brought nothing but heartache. So, at least for a little while, I will hold people who do not actively love me back at arm's length away. My life may become an island as a result of it, but at least my island won't be on fire.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
James 1:19 - every person should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Last night Tommy and I got back to my hostel a little after 3, after hanging out with KJ then getting food. There was a parking spot available, but as I pulled into it the person on duty came out and told me I couldn't park there. He didn't speak very well, not English anyway, and his way of conveying his message came across as a bit rude. I was pretty tired and responded in kind, which made the situation unpleasant. After awhile I chose to soften my demeanor and respond more softly. Doing so caused Miguel to soften his demeanor as well and we were able to come to an understanding. He and the other guy with him were then willing to work with me, but not with Tommy.
Today at church, the pastor is speaking about words. His message is to read the Bible more. As we delve deeper into His word we learn more about Him and love Him more. As we love Him more, and spend more time with Him, we become more like Him. If I remain in God's Word, my words will be beneficial and I would not need to concentrate so hard to tame my tongue. Instead of backtracking to repair a bad situation, I would not allow myself to fall into such situations. Most people remember the negative, even when it is presented in the midst of good. As ridiculous as it is, this is human nature.
Yesterday, Cory Monteith was found dead, alone. He had been struggling with drugs since he was 13. That in itself is heartbreaking. He was apparently open about his struggles and checked into rehab at 19 and then again a few months ago. Whether or not his death was drug related, it doesn't make the story any less tragic. 18 years of struggling. There are people who have overcome addiction, but I have not heard of anyone who did so without support and hope. That Cory continued to struggle shows that he lacked one, maybe both. And while we can't control how another feels, we can help facilitate each other toward the positive, instead of the negative. Thinking about self-help techniques, most of them talk about daily affirmations. There is power in words. The words we say to ourselves guide our attitude. But is is easier to believe things when others tell us the same thing, confirming our thoughts. This works with the positive and negative. Maybe Cory was given more negative than positive. Maybe his negative just weighed more than the positive and a few more positive words would have tipped the scale. How much more support and hope did he need for this to become a success story of recovery instead of a tragedy?
This week I will be spending time with friends I only see once a year. I don't know any well enough to know what they may be struggling with. Some I don't know at all. It is my prayer that I don't let my insecurities prevent me from engaging. I also pray that my words are always uplifting, even in the midst of potential rumors and hostility. I want to be the light and support for people to see there is always hope.
1. Ask - ask God what He wants to teach us; everything that comes to mind
2. Answer - don't neglect looking for answers
3. Act - requires change and discomfort
* Don't stop at the asking!
"We love the warmth of doubt, because it doesn't feel like commitment." - Joseph @ Ecclesia
Last night Tommy and I got back to my hostel a little after 3, after hanging out with KJ then getting food. There was a parking spot available, but as I pulled into it the person on duty came out and told me I couldn't park there. He didn't speak very well, not English anyway, and his way of conveying his message came across as a bit rude. I was pretty tired and responded in kind, which made the situation unpleasant. After awhile I chose to soften my demeanor and respond more softly. Doing so caused Miguel to soften his demeanor as well and we were able to come to an understanding. He and the other guy with him were then willing to work with me, but not with Tommy.
Today at church, the pastor is speaking about words. His message is to read the Bible more. As we delve deeper into His word we learn more about Him and love Him more. As we love Him more, and spend more time with Him, we become more like Him. If I remain in God's Word, my words will be beneficial and I would not need to concentrate so hard to tame my tongue. Instead of backtracking to repair a bad situation, I would not allow myself to fall into such situations. Most people remember the negative, even when it is presented in the midst of good. As ridiculous as it is, this is human nature.
Yesterday, Cory Monteith was found dead, alone. He had been struggling with drugs since he was 13. That in itself is heartbreaking. He was apparently open about his struggles and checked into rehab at 19 and then again a few months ago. Whether or not his death was drug related, it doesn't make the story any less tragic. 18 years of struggling. There are people who have overcome addiction, but I have not heard of anyone who did so without support and hope. That Cory continued to struggle shows that he lacked one, maybe both. And while we can't control how another feels, we can help facilitate each other toward the positive, instead of the negative. Thinking about self-help techniques, most of them talk about daily affirmations. There is power in words. The words we say to ourselves guide our attitude. But is is easier to believe things when others tell us the same thing, confirming our thoughts. This works with the positive and negative. Maybe Cory was given more negative than positive. Maybe his negative just weighed more than the positive and a few more positive words would have tipped the scale. How much more support and hope did he need for this to become a success story of recovery instead of a tragedy?
This week I will be spending time with friends I only see once a year. I don't know any well enough to know what they may be struggling with. Some I don't know at all. It is my prayer that I don't let my insecurities prevent me from engaging. I also pray that my words are always uplifting, even in the midst of potential rumors and hostility. I want to be the light and support for people to see there is always hope.
1. Ask - ask God what He wants to teach us; everything that comes to mind
2. Answer - don't neglect looking for answers
3. Act - requires change and discomfort
* Don't stop at the asking!
"We love the warmth of doubt, because it doesn't feel like commitment." - Joseph @ Ecclesia
Sunday, July 7, 2013
When Jesus called Matthew, he got up and followed Him. This means that He knew who Jesus was. He knew that He was a teacher, a great man. Matthew also knew that he, as a tax collector, was hated among the Jews.
When Jesus walked by, Matthew probably felt a small tinge of guilt or shame. Here it is, a great man walking by, and Matthew knew the reputation that went along with his job. Matthew probably expected to be judged, despised and looked down upon. He most definitely didn't expect acceptance. Yet, not only did Jesus not criticize him, He told him He wanted him to be in His presence. Jesus wanted to spend time with the outcast.
I try to accept everyone. But sometimes my reaction is just tolerance. Saying "come hang out with me" is so easy. And although I am not great, we all see each other as better than ourselves. We are quick to notice others' good qualities and focus on our own flaws. I want to always be a person who looks beyond others' flaws and show a love of acceptance. Sometimes, that is the loudest type of love we can show.
When Jesus walked by, Matthew probably felt a small tinge of guilt or shame. Here it is, a great man walking by, and Matthew knew the reputation that went along with his job. Matthew probably expected to be judged, despised and looked down upon. He most definitely didn't expect acceptance. Yet, not only did Jesus not criticize him, He told him He wanted him to be in His presence. Jesus wanted to spend time with the outcast.
I try to accept everyone. But sometimes my reaction is just tolerance. Saying "come hang out with me" is so easy. And although I am not great, we all see each other as better than ourselves. We are quick to notice others' good qualities and focus on our own flaws. I want to always be a person who looks beyond others' flaws and show a love of acceptance. Sometimes, that is the loudest type of love we can show.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
I generally live my life without expectation. Part of it is so that I won't be disappointed and some os so that I am genuinely pleased with whatever the outcome. For the latter, I'm not sure why I can only be glad when things turn out better than I'd hoped (or not hoped). Why is it difficult for me to be content when things go as I expect? Yet when my expectations are not met, I am devastated.
By not having expectations, am I setting myself up to be content with mediocre? If I don't think about what is possible to be achieved, I never know what the potential can be. With expectations, I must remember there is always the option to raise or lower them if needed. But, without them, I have no benchmark by which my standards are set.
In thinking about my hopes and desires - in career, in friendship, in family - am I pursuing things that are worth the risk?
By not having expectations, am I setting myself up to be content with mediocre? If I don't think about what is possible to be achieved, I never know what the potential can be. With expectations, I must remember there is always the option to raise or lower them if needed. But, without them, I have no benchmark by which my standards are set.
In thinking about my hopes and desires - in career, in friendship, in family - am I pursuing things that are worth the risk?
Sunday, June 23, 2013
The woman who was healed from bleeding came forward trembling when Jesus asked who touched Him. She had a great amount of faith, but she probably also had a great amount of fear. Others who wanted healing from Jesus would often call out to Him. The lame man even had friends lower him from the roof. Many people came boldly to Jesus. Even Jairus had come boldly, knowing Jesus would help him. But this lady did not even attempt to get His attention, that we're aware of. Perhaps she didn't think she'd be noticed among the crowd. But chances are she didn't feel worthy of Jesus' attention. He was the Teacher and walking with a man of importance. What if He noticed her and rejected her? I can totally relate to her.
When Jesus stopped and called her out, she was shaking with fear. She probably felt as if she would be seen as a thief, stealing power from Jesus. Perhaps He would make the bleeding start again, this time worse. Perhaps He would curse her, humiliate her, and make her even more alone. Instead, Jesus embraced her. He called her "daughter." Not only was she healed, she was loved. Because of her faith.
If she had all of those fears, she risked them all because of her faith. The risk of being rejected was worth it to be healed. Too often we remain in our suffering because we are afraid of the potential consequences of finding healing. This was not the first time she tried to be healed. She lost everything in attempt to be healed. Many people would have given up. But she did not. And because of her faith she finally found healing.
It's not always necessary for us to reach the bottom to receive healing. But we must come to the realization that our hope comes from God, not in anything man can create.
"While the crowd backed away, He drew in close." - Jamie George. Not only did Jesus heal her, He wanted her to be known. She had been an outcast for years, and Jesus caused everyone to take notice that she was healed. He publicly expressed that she was clean and that she is beloved. He provides physical and emotional healing.
"A blessing is the visible, perceptible, effective proximity of God." - D. Bonhoffer
"What we obtain too cheap we esteem too lightly." - Thomas Payne
"To have faith is to see everything against an infinite horizon." - Rolheiser, Against the Infinite Horizon
"Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity." Henri Nouwen, The Voice of Inner Love
"Exposure frees us to take in the humanity of our failure and humiliation." Dan Alldean
When Jesus stopped and called her out, she was shaking with fear. She probably felt as if she would be seen as a thief, stealing power from Jesus. Perhaps He would make the bleeding start again, this time worse. Perhaps He would curse her, humiliate her, and make her even more alone. Instead, Jesus embraced her. He called her "daughter." Not only was she healed, she was loved. Because of her faith.
If she had all of those fears, she risked them all because of her faith. The risk of being rejected was worth it to be healed. Too often we remain in our suffering because we are afraid of the potential consequences of finding healing. This was not the first time she tried to be healed. She lost everything in attempt to be healed. Many people would have given up. But she did not. And because of her faith she finally found healing.
It's not always necessary for us to reach the bottom to receive healing. But we must come to the realization that our hope comes from God, not in anything man can create.
"While the crowd backed away, He drew in close." - Jamie George. Not only did Jesus heal her, He wanted her to be known. She had been an outcast for years, and Jesus caused everyone to take notice that she was healed. He publicly expressed that she was clean and that she is beloved. He provides physical and emotional healing.
"A blessing is the visible, perceptible, effective proximity of God." - D. Bonhoffer
"What we obtain too cheap we esteem too lightly." - Thomas Payne
"To have faith is to see everything against an infinite horizon." - Rolheiser, Against the Infinite Horizon
"Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity." Henri Nouwen, The Voice of Inner Love
"Exposure frees us to take in the humanity of our failure and humiliation." Dan Alldean
Sunday, June 16, 2013
When Jairus came to Jesus to plead for Him to help his daughter, he ran through the crowd. At this time, it was not socially acceptable to run. Jairus was also a religious leader, and most of the leaders by this time were already plotting against Jesus. Yet Jairus was "desperate for hope" so he threw away things that were comfortable and acceptable to ask for help.
When he reached Jesus, he didn't try to barter or make a case because of his status. He merely begged for Jesus to help. I think this is a good example of his faith and his acceptance of where he stood. Often we think we need to make a case for the things we ask for. We do this because we either think that we are not worthy on our own or we have a greater right to be helped than others. It's interesting that thinking too little of ourselves of thinking too highly of ourselves can manifest in the same way.
There's much to be said about the verse "let your yes be yes and your no be no." Trust is simple. Fear, doubt, pride, jealous, insecurities make things complicated. They make us need to elaborate, to justify our thoughts, our dreams, our existance.
Jesus knew who he was and he knew who Jesus was. He was just a man approaching the Son of God who loves. Jairus gave no reason for why Jesus should come, yet he expected Jesus would choose to help. And when the men came and told him his daughter was dead, he believed enough to allow Jesus to continue to come. Even when he saw his daughter lying dead he had hope.
The people at Jairus' house laughed when Jesus said the girl was sleeping. Because of that, He removed them from the room before performing His miracle. if faith allows God to show us miracles, disbelief prevents miracles from happening. We may accept Jesus and believe in the things He did thousands of years ago. But what about today? Are we - am I - willing to believe in miracles today, or do we just take everything at face value?
Jairus ran to Jesus out of desperation. Sometimes that's the place we need to get to to have the depth of faith we need. No matter our motivation, God still accepts us with open arms when we come to Him with a sincere heart.
When he reached Jesus, he didn't try to barter or make a case because of his status. He merely begged for Jesus to help. I think this is a good example of his faith and his acceptance of where he stood. Often we think we need to make a case for the things we ask for. We do this because we either think that we are not worthy on our own or we have a greater right to be helped than others. It's interesting that thinking too little of ourselves of thinking too highly of ourselves can manifest in the same way.
There's much to be said about the verse "let your yes be yes and your no be no." Trust is simple. Fear, doubt, pride, jealous, insecurities make things complicated. They make us need to elaborate, to justify our thoughts, our dreams, our existance.
Jesus knew who he was and he knew who Jesus was. He was just a man approaching the Son of God who loves. Jairus gave no reason for why Jesus should come, yet he expected Jesus would choose to help. And when the men came and told him his daughter was dead, he believed enough to allow Jesus to continue to come. Even when he saw his daughter lying dead he had hope.
The people at Jairus' house laughed when Jesus said the girl was sleeping. Because of that, He removed them from the room before performing His miracle. if faith allows God to show us miracles, disbelief prevents miracles from happening. We may accept Jesus and believe in the things He did thousands of years ago. But what about today? Are we - am I - willing to believe in miracles today, or do we just take everything at face value?
Jairus ran to Jesus out of desperation. Sometimes that's the place we need to get to to have the depth of faith we need. No matter our motivation, God still accepts us with open arms when we come to Him with a sincere heart.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
I like watching Once Upon a Time because it creates a back story to help us understand the actions of the villains from classic fairy tales. For awhile we're sympathetic to them because of the plight that made them this way. Until they later do not own up to their actions and instead try to play the victim, thus turning back to their evil ways. I like to take this approach when thinking about Judas. Although we don't know how long Jesus knew Judas would betray him, the Father had to know all along and I'm sure Jesus prayed before choosing the twelve. So I always wonder if Judas was chosen just to play the role of villain or if he had a pure heart in the beginning but would inevitably be led astray and God chose to use that quality.
There are so many questions surrounding Judas. Did he ever truly believe that Jesus was the Son of God? Did he know what would happen to Jesus after he betrayed Him? I tend to think the answer to the second question is no. He spent three years with Jesus. He saw Him do miracles. He saw Him disappear in the middle of a crowd. I almost feel like it was a bad prank gone wrong. Judas got greedy and saw it as an opportunity to pay Jesus back for doing things he didn't approve of. Maybe he thought, since Jesus knew what he was doing, he would disappear before he got back. Maybe he thought he would perform a miracle and turn their swords into salamanders. Maybe he thought He would be taken to the Romans, given a bit of public flogging and then sent on His way. None of the disciples expected the events that took place. We have no reason to believe that Judas was any different.
It is important to me to remember that Judas may not have been a super villain. He may have been a guy with good intentions who suffered from greed and other afflictions that everyone else deals with. Some speculate he only followed Jesus because he thought he would rise to power. This may be true, but three years is a long time to wait and if he did think He would rise to power, it's because he believed that He was the Son of God. This is important for me because, in remembering this, I realize that I'm not that much unlike Judas.
I love Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. I'll follow where He leads me. But I can be really, really selfish sometimes. I want love, I want comfort, I want acceptance, all on my own terms. And like Judas' reaction when Jesus' feet were washed in expensive perfume, sometimes the things acceptable to God are not acceptable to me. And sometimes, like Judas, I choose to take matters into my own hand, to produce an outcome more appealing than what God has done so far. I try to rush His plan along, or change it completely. I think, one small pleasure won't hurt anything. After all the worldliness I sacrifice, surely I deserve it, right?
Judas just wanted money, and maybe to teach Jesus a lesson. Instead, his actions led to the death of the Lamb. And while God purposed this for His glory, Judas never recovered and eventually lost his life. There are many justifiable speculations that say that Judas lived long enough to see the resurrected Savior. But even with that He still lost it all. I've seen many people plagued by their humanity to the point where they are unable to recover from an act of weakness.
Weakness is inevitable. Only through God's strength do I have the power to keep from becoming like Judas.
There are so many questions surrounding Judas. Did he ever truly believe that Jesus was the Son of God? Did he know what would happen to Jesus after he betrayed Him? I tend to think the answer to the second question is no. He spent three years with Jesus. He saw Him do miracles. He saw Him disappear in the middle of a crowd. I almost feel like it was a bad prank gone wrong. Judas got greedy and saw it as an opportunity to pay Jesus back for doing things he didn't approve of. Maybe he thought, since Jesus knew what he was doing, he would disappear before he got back. Maybe he thought he would perform a miracle and turn their swords into salamanders. Maybe he thought He would be taken to the Romans, given a bit of public flogging and then sent on His way. None of the disciples expected the events that took place. We have no reason to believe that Judas was any different.
It is important to me to remember that Judas may not have been a super villain. He may have been a guy with good intentions who suffered from greed and other afflictions that everyone else deals with. Some speculate he only followed Jesus because he thought he would rise to power. This may be true, but three years is a long time to wait and if he did think He would rise to power, it's because he believed that He was the Son of God. This is important for me because, in remembering this, I realize that I'm not that much unlike Judas.
I love Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. I'll follow where He leads me. But I can be really, really selfish sometimes. I want love, I want comfort, I want acceptance, all on my own terms. And like Judas' reaction when Jesus' feet were washed in expensive perfume, sometimes the things acceptable to God are not acceptable to me. And sometimes, like Judas, I choose to take matters into my own hand, to produce an outcome more appealing than what God has done so far. I try to rush His plan along, or change it completely. I think, one small pleasure won't hurt anything. After all the worldliness I sacrifice, surely I deserve it, right?
Judas just wanted money, and maybe to teach Jesus a lesson. Instead, his actions led to the death of the Lamb. And while God purposed this for His glory, Judas never recovered and eventually lost his life. There are many justifiable speculations that say that Judas lived long enough to see the resurrected Savior. But even with that He still lost it all. I've seen many people plagued by their humanity to the point where they are unable to recover from an act of weakness.
Weakness is inevitable. Only through God's strength do I have the power to keep from becoming like Judas.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
When people speculate about Jesus' childhood, He's always made out to be perfect. People think He was always polite, always a hard worker, the perfect student and the perfect carpenter. But I believe Jesus was actually pretty average. I'm sure He did all of His schoolwork, but He probably daydreamed in class on more than one occasion. When learning how to be a carpenter He probably hit His hand with a hammer a few times, or mismeasured and made a lopsided table. Even in His sinlessness, He probably did things to frustrate His parents. In fact, we hear of one instance when they lost Him in the temple. I believe all this sinlessness is not the same thing as perfection. If Jesus was perfect, it wouldn't have been as much of a surprise when He began teaching. If Jesus was perfect, He would never have been able to experience all that I have, because many of my sufferings are a result of some inability I have.
Far too often we try to link perfection and sin. And while sin blemishes us, this is only a spiritual imperfection. My emotional imbalance is a form of imperfection, but does that make me a sinner? Regardless of how often I play my guitar I don't get much better. Does that make me a sinner?
Sin separates us from God. Our tendency to equate perfection and sinlessness soon takes us to a place where we believe that God loves us less because of what we can't do. If we're not a great scholar, great artist, great athlete, then God doesn't care for us as much as those who are. When we have to quit a workout before it is over, God is disappointed in us. When we get rejection letters from schools, or don't get hired after a job interview, or face rejection from a friend or significant other, we feel that God is rejecting us.
Where does this concept come from? And how can we counter it? I am thankful that this is no longer a mindset I hold, although at times it is difficult not to slip back into that way of thinking. Is the secret to accepting our imperfection recognizing our worth? Value outside of society- just an assessment of our potential and realization of how great we have been created by God. Or perhaps we just need to open ourselves up more to experience God's love. The people we love the most are the ones we also have an easier time overlooking their flaws. In fact, in some instances we don't even recognize the flaws are even there. As we let God love us more and more, we will realize that when God looks at us, all He sees is something beautiful. And as with a love relationship between two people, the more time we spend with God the more we begin to see ourselves the way He sees us. Then even the things we can't do become reasons for us to rejoice in ourselves.
Far too often we try to link perfection and sin. And while sin blemishes us, this is only a spiritual imperfection. My emotional imbalance is a form of imperfection, but does that make me a sinner? Regardless of how often I play my guitar I don't get much better. Does that make me a sinner?
Sin separates us from God. Our tendency to equate perfection and sinlessness soon takes us to a place where we believe that God loves us less because of what we can't do. If we're not a great scholar, great artist, great athlete, then God doesn't care for us as much as those who are. When we have to quit a workout before it is over, God is disappointed in us. When we get rejection letters from schools, or don't get hired after a job interview, or face rejection from a friend or significant other, we feel that God is rejecting us.
Where does this concept come from? And how can we counter it? I am thankful that this is no longer a mindset I hold, although at times it is difficult not to slip back into that way of thinking. Is the secret to accepting our imperfection recognizing our worth? Value outside of society- just an assessment of our potential and realization of how great we have been created by God. Or perhaps we just need to open ourselves up more to experience God's love. The people we love the most are the ones we also have an easier time overlooking their flaws. In fact, in some instances we don't even recognize the flaws are even there. As we let God love us more and more, we will realize that when God looks at us, all He sees is something beautiful. And as with a love relationship between two people, the more time we spend with God the more we begin to see ourselves the way He sees us. Then even the things we can't do become reasons for us to rejoice in ourselves.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
"The way to the Kingdom is through exploration."
Jesus did not come to sell people on becoming like Him, yet that is what we try to do. We speak our piece and wait for the hearer to fall on his knees when we're done. When that doesn't happen, sometimes we keep after them, but sometimes we give up and all the time we get discouraged.
We want to sugar coat the gospel so it's easier to swallow. We keep out the tough parts to make it more appealing. It becomes a numbers game, a criticism game. We lose sight of the truth and, as a result, the person we're talking to never sees the truth.
A true relationship with God can't be discovered through words. Whether our words or even just the words in the Bible. Jesus said we find Him if we seek Him. It is not our job to put people face to face with God. Our job is to show others the fruits of our relationship, so that they will want to find this type of relationship, too.
Jesus did not come to sell people on becoming like Him, yet that is what we try to do. We speak our piece and wait for the hearer to fall on his knees when we're done. When that doesn't happen, sometimes we keep after them, but sometimes we give up and all the time we get discouraged.
We want to sugar coat the gospel so it's easier to swallow. We keep out the tough parts to make it more appealing. It becomes a numbers game, a criticism game. We lose sight of the truth and, as a result, the person we're talking to never sees the truth.
A true relationship with God can't be discovered through words. Whether our words or even just the words in the Bible. Jesus said we find Him if we seek Him. It is not our job to put people face to face with God. Our job is to show others the fruits of our relationship, so that they will want to find this type of relationship, too.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
The concept of community is so important, not just in the church, but in all of life. When we spend time with each other- talking, laughing and enjoying each other's company- our bodies produce dopamine. This is the same thing that is released when people take drugs like meth. Constantly, our society tries to find new ways to feel good. but this comes naturally, if only we take time for each other.
When I was younger, whenever I took a trip with school or the church ,we had to find ways to keep ourselves entertained while driving or waiting. usually this was done by playing a game or having conversations about things. Today, people keep themselves entertained by playing on their smartphone or portable gaming system. We still spend as much time with others as we used to in a group setting but we miss out on the experience.
Why do people avoid community:
1. Control - we can control ourselves but must be open if we let others in.
2. Fear - people are terrified of what will happen if we're known.
3. Denial - we give into thinking isolation is the best remedy for sin.
Although community is essential, our human nature makes it difficult. We worry about rejection, we judge the people we meet, we question our ability to connect. For those of us looking for community, we must be willing to be uncomfortable for a little while. Anything that improves our lives requires a little sacrifice. Exercising, doing well in school or work, creating something all take work. Sometimes a lot of work. But the end result is worth the sacrifice, if we put in our best. The same comes from getting to know each other. We must be intentional in developing strong relationships and know which aspects are worth working a little harder on.
For people who are already part of a community, there is the responsibility to open up that group to others. We naturally fear being vulnerable. When that act of vulnerability is met with openness and acceptance the receiver is more apt to open up more and more, until they are part of the community as well. It is more difficult for some than others to be vulnerable. We should do all that we can to allow that to happen for everyone.
I have often been vulnerable, and that vulnerability was met with pain. But is is only through vulnerability that I can become truly free. I must learn to trust that Jesus will hold me through my times of brokenness, and lead me to the ones who can make the void felt by isolation be filled with beneficial community.
When I was younger, whenever I took a trip with school or the church ,we had to find ways to keep ourselves entertained while driving or waiting. usually this was done by playing a game or having conversations about things. Today, people keep themselves entertained by playing on their smartphone or portable gaming system. We still spend as much time with others as we used to in a group setting but we miss out on the experience.
Why do people avoid community:
1. Control - we can control ourselves but must be open if we let others in.
2. Fear - people are terrified of what will happen if we're known.
3. Denial - we give into thinking isolation is the best remedy for sin.
Although community is essential, our human nature makes it difficult. We worry about rejection, we judge the people we meet, we question our ability to connect. For those of us looking for community, we must be willing to be uncomfortable for a little while. Anything that improves our lives requires a little sacrifice. Exercising, doing well in school or work, creating something all take work. Sometimes a lot of work. But the end result is worth the sacrifice, if we put in our best. The same comes from getting to know each other. We must be intentional in developing strong relationships and know which aspects are worth working a little harder on.
For people who are already part of a community, there is the responsibility to open up that group to others. We naturally fear being vulnerable. When that act of vulnerability is met with openness and acceptance the receiver is more apt to open up more and more, until they are part of the community as well. It is more difficult for some than others to be vulnerable. We should do all that we can to allow that to happen for everyone.
I have often been vulnerable, and that vulnerability was met with pain. But is is only through vulnerability that I can become truly free. I must learn to trust that Jesus will hold me through my times of brokenness, and lead me to the ones who can make the void felt by isolation be filled with beneficial community.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Faith
A few weeks ago I went out to dinner with some friends. Somehow the conversation turned to a discussion of the things we believe to be true and hold dear about our relationship with God. One side was of the idea that there are several aspects of Christianity that hold importance, such as when we worship. The other side is of the idea that outside of things that are very clear in the Bible, the rest is up to interpretation but holds little to no real impact on our salvation. I just listened, but it did cause me to think again about my heart.
In discussions like this, I am always reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:23 "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive." In fact, the conversation started with talking about Christians who refrain from meat and other foods for religious reasons. Paul speaks about this very thing, although everyone in our group agreed that, while not necessary to save your soul, it is not detrimental, either.
Many years ago, I had another conversation with a group of friends, during which one came to an understanding of what having a relationship with Christ meant for the first time, and the rest of us grew deeper in our faith by discussing it. It was at that time I came to a realization that has always stuck with me, and returned to mind last Monday. I believe that the true testament of faith comes only when you're willing to accept you may be wrong, but choose to believe it anyway.
It's easy to believe when you are confident something is true. But what about the times when your idea of truth is questioned? For many, it just takes the smallest amount of doubt to cause them to lose faith all together. Initial faith is easy. It's continual faith that challenges us and can either turn into our glory or our downfall. Jesus didn't put a blindfold on His disciples when He asked them to follow Him. Those who were with Him saw what He was about, both good and bad. Some chose to stick it out and some chose to leave. But they all made their decisions based on their experience as well as their faith. In fact, it was their experience that allowed their faith to be strengthened. And so it should be for us.
I believe, not because a nice lady told me to or because of a song I used to sing or a billboard I passed that told me I was going to hell if I didn't. I believe because God has proven Himself time and time again that He is faithful, so I too shall be faithful. Logic and science will try to convince me there's another explanation for the things I claim to be the faithfulness of God. And maybe they're right. I'm fully acceptable of the fact they may be right. So why do I continue to believe? Because, in believing, in resting my hope on a God who loves me, I am lacking in nothing. The Bible says His grace is sufficient and I believe that to be true. And if we get to the end and find out there really is nothing else, or we all get to go to heaven, or some other thing I thought to be true really was not, I will have no regrets. Because it's not about rules and laws and the after life. It's about living life now, and living life to the fullest. And I am fullest when I am basking in the love of God.
In discussions like this, I am always reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:23 "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive." In fact, the conversation started with talking about Christians who refrain from meat and other foods for religious reasons. Paul speaks about this very thing, although everyone in our group agreed that, while not necessary to save your soul, it is not detrimental, either.
Many years ago, I had another conversation with a group of friends, during which one came to an understanding of what having a relationship with Christ meant for the first time, and the rest of us grew deeper in our faith by discussing it. It was at that time I came to a realization that has always stuck with me, and returned to mind last Monday. I believe that the true testament of faith comes only when you're willing to accept you may be wrong, but choose to believe it anyway.
It's easy to believe when you are confident something is true. But what about the times when your idea of truth is questioned? For many, it just takes the smallest amount of doubt to cause them to lose faith all together. Initial faith is easy. It's continual faith that challenges us and can either turn into our glory or our downfall. Jesus didn't put a blindfold on His disciples when He asked them to follow Him. Those who were with Him saw what He was about, both good and bad. Some chose to stick it out and some chose to leave. But they all made their decisions based on their experience as well as their faith. In fact, it was their experience that allowed their faith to be strengthened. And so it should be for us.
I believe, not because a nice lady told me to or because of a song I used to sing or a billboard I passed that told me I was going to hell if I didn't. I believe because God has proven Himself time and time again that He is faithful, so I too shall be faithful. Logic and science will try to convince me there's another explanation for the things I claim to be the faithfulness of God. And maybe they're right. I'm fully acceptable of the fact they may be right. So why do I continue to believe? Because, in believing, in resting my hope on a God who loves me, I am lacking in nothing. The Bible says His grace is sufficient and I believe that to be true. And if we get to the end and find out there really is nothing else, or we all get to go to heaven, or some other thing I thought to be true really was not, I will have no regrets. Because it's not about rules and laws and the after life. It's about living life now, and living life to the fullest. And I am fullest when I am basking in the love of God.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Christmas Is For Everyone (or: I'm returning to Haiti!)
Dear Friends,
Charles Dickens once wrote that "it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself." If we each look back I'm sure that somewhere we have some happy memory from the holidays. Like me, you may not remember the exact gifts you received in your early years, but the feeling I had after opening each present, knowing someone cared and thought about me, I still remember and cherish to this day. Sadly, however, there are many children who do not get the chance to receive gifts for Christmas. December 25th is merely one more day of the year. For children in Jacmel, Haiti they can only dream of getting any type of gift for Christmas. Without basic necessities like clean water the idea of a material present is just a dream.
In January 2011, I will be making a return trip to Jacmel with Restore Haiti (www.restorehaiti.com) to distribute Christmas gifts to the children of the city. You may be slightly confused by the timing – “Christmas is in December, isn't it?” you might ask. Yes, but due to a burst of cholera outbreaks and rioting caused by the recent elections in the country our team's trip has been postponed until early January. This delay, although caused by unfortunate circumstances, has also been a blessing, for me at least, as it opened up an opportunity for me to join the team. This being said, our trip is even more important than ever. I personally hope to bring some sort of respite to the children from these crazy and dangerous times.
Thanks to an overwhelming response the team has received the needed gifts to give to these children. We covet still your fervent prayers as well as your financial support. I need to raise $1,025 by January 3rd, 2011. There are several ways you can help, any of which would be greatly appreciated.
If you are in the Nashville area, I will be acoustically performing Christmas carols to raise some of the needed funds. Please come and join me in celebrating Christ's birth via song! I will be releasing the exact dates and times very soon. For those of you who love homemade baked goods but don't have the time/touch, I am selling cakes/cookies/cheesecakes/etc made to order. Just be sure to get your order in soon! And if you'd like to help the old-fashioned way with a tax-deductible donation, you can do so via Paypal (my address is saminsocks @ hotmail.com) or send me a message and I will provide you with my address.
Christ came into this world with the purpose to give the gift of eternal life to us. Sure, America has made Christmas into a material driven holiday, but the tradition of presents given to those we love is a simple illustration of Christ's true selfless love for us. Please help me give this opportunity to the children of Jacmel.
With sincerest thanks,
Sandrene R. Mathews
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Most of my journal entries have been about things I've learned and discovered, about God, about myself, and about the world. Lately I've been struggling with the things I haven't yet discovered, or those things I've yet to experience. Although I don't have answers, I feel I need to write about those things now, as well as what I've concluded thus far concerning them. I've been trying to do this for awhile and haven't been able to, so I think my best method is to just write out a few lists and see what happens from there.
List 1 - Biblical truths and concepts I've yet to experience or grasp
1. Understanding God as our Father - 1 John 3:1
My father died when I was only a few weeks old. My mother never remarried, and there were very few men in our family, so I didn't really have a father figure. I saw a few examples of fathers with their children, most notably at my godparents' house, but generally the children did their thing and the adults did theirs, so I didn't interact much with him, nor witness much interaction between him and his two children. So, with that being my only example, my idea of a father was someone who worked to provide for his family, supervised us when we needed it and disciplined us when we deserved it. My memory of him was as a kind man, albeit, intimidating at times, but distant. Someone who was there but not really an active part of any of our lives. I came to realize this wasn't always the case as I got older and saw more of my friends and their relationships with their fathers and then later as my friends became fathers themselves. But by that time I was 12 and my ideas on the subject had already been formed. That, coupled with the fact that I've only ever been an observer of a father/child relationship has made it difficult to understand who God is in that regard.
2. Understanding Jesus as our brother - Hebrews 2:11
As an only child, this one has been a bit difficult for me to grasp as well. I have been fortunate enough to have friends who "adopted" me as part of their family, even if just for a short while, but even then, I still felt like an outsider observing their family. There are things about sharing a home while growing up, rejoicing and mourning together over things that happen in that home, that can't be reproduced no matter how much you try to include someone else. I've never experienced the close bond of sisterhood or the feeling of safety knowing my brother was there to watch out for me.
3. Understanding Jesus as our friend - Proverbs 18:24
I have lots of friends. More friends than I can keep up with. But when I read what the Bible says about friendship, all of those relationships seem superficial. My experience, especially lately, has been that friends are people you call when you're bored and want something to do, or you need something they can provide. There are very few friends that I know well enough to know their struggles, their achievements, their goals, their fears and really much else about them other than where they work or go to school and what toppings they like on their pizza. Yet I know that Jesus must want so much more than that. 1 John is all about love and relationships, and 1 John 3 tells us we show love by laying down our lives for each other. I try to lay down my life for others, but always fail miserably. And I don't know if any of my friends would be willing to give up what is going on in their life for me. Our lives have become so self focused, even when doing things for others it's hard to not think about what we might get out of it. Even when our intentions are pure, we often hold back what we can offer in order to not get hurt. I love my friends and know they're good people. But nothing comes close to the love Jesus has, who gave up everything just to be our friend. And I know that's the point. But I still don't understand it.
4. We are not meant to be alone - Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:10
I've spent most of my life feeling very alone. Although I'm sure it probably happened earlier than this, the first time I remember being hugged was when I was 11 or 12. I remember this because it was so unexpected and I wasn't sure how to react. I was hugged first by my friend, who wasn't even a close friend yet, and then by her mother. After that, it still took a long time for me to become accustomed to people hugging me, and even now I always wait for the other person to initiate the hug. I was an exceptionally shy child growing up, who seldom spoke unless spoken to. I've overcome my shyness but the socially awkward part of me is still very present. I don't know how to relate to people and that keeps most people at a distance. I also became very independent, by necessity, and most people recognize that and think I don't need anything. And that may be true, in a purely metaphysical way. But not in a spiritual way. God recognized in the first man that we should not be alone. The wisest man ever to live realized that we shouldn't do everything on our own. I may not need someone to help me fix my car, but it's nice to have assistance. I have no problem going to see movies alone, but it's nice to have company. There have been many times when I've nearly fallen down, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and other times when I've held back from doing something for fear of falling down. But I did not trust that there would be someone there to pick me up.
While dwelling on these points, it caused me to reexamine my faith in God and the sacrifice of His Son, and even after such testing it is still intact. Even while my soul is longing for understanding I am able to worship. And I wondered why that was. Some would say I am holding on to religion out of desperation, because I have nothing else. But I think that it would be easier to ignore what I've never had if I didn't place a spiritual significance with it. My life was, and still is, far from bad. I grew up surrounded by people who love me and continue to be surrounded by love, even if that love isn't always manifested in ways I can see. If I didn't believe in Jesus' sacrificial love, I wouldn't expect sacrifice from others. So I don't think I hold on to my faith because I think I need it. In all honesty, life often seems like it would be so much easier without it, at least until I got to a "better" spot in life where believing didn't seem to get in the way.
List 1 - Biblical truths and concepts I've yet to experience or grasp
1. Understanding God as our Father - 1 John 3:1
My father died when I was only a few weeks old. My mother never remarried, and there were very few men in our family, so I didn't really have a father figure. I saw a few examples of fathers with their children, most notably at my godparents' house, but generally the children did their thing and the adults did theirs, so I didn't interact much with him, nor witness much interaction between him and his two children. So, with that being my only example, my idea of a father was someone who worked to provide for his family, supervised us when we needed it and disciplined us when we deserved it. My memory of him was as a kind man, albeit, intimidating at times, but distant. Someone who was there but not really an active part of any of our lives. I came to realize this wasn't always the case as I got older and saw more of my friends and their relationships with their fathers and then later as my friends became fathers themselves. But by that time I was 12 and my ideas on the subject had already been formed. That, coupled with the fact that I've only ever been an observer of a father/child relationship has made it difficult to understand who God is in that regard.
2. Understanding Jesus as our brother - Hebrews 2:11
As an only child, this one has been a bit difficult for me to grasp as well. I have been fortunate enough to have friends who "adopted" me as part of their family, even if just for a short while, but even then, I still felt like an outsider observing their family. There are things about sharing a home while growing up, rejoicing and mourning together over things that happen in that home, that can't be reproduced no matter how much you try to include someone else. I've never experienced the close bond of sisterhood or the feeling of safety knowing my brother was there to watch out for me.
3. Understanding Jesus as our friend - Proverbs 18:24
I have lots of friends. More friends than I can keep up with. But when I read what the Bible says about friendship, all of those relationships seem superficial. My experience, especially lately, has been that friends are people you call when you're bored and want something to do, or you need something they can provide. There are very few friends that I know well enough to know their struggles, their achievements, their goals, their fears and really much else about them other than where they work or go to school and what toppings they like on their pizza. Yet I know that Jesus must want so much more than that. 1 John is all about love and relationships, and 1 John 3 tells us we show love by laying down our lives for each other. I try to lay down my life for others, but always fail miserably. And I don't know if any of my friends would be willing to give up what is going on in their life for me. Our lives have become so self focused, even when doing things for others it's hard to not think about what we might get out of it. Even when our intentions are pure, we often hold back what we can offer in order to not get hurt. I love my friends and know they're good people. But nothing comes close to the love Jesus has, who gave up everything just to be our friend. And I know that's the point. But I still don't understand it.
4. We are not meant to be alone - Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:10
I've spent most of my life feeling very alone. Although I'm sure it probably happened earlier than this, the first time I remember being hugged was when I was 11 or 12. I remember this because it was so unexpected and I wasn't sure how to react. I was hugged first by my friend, who wasn't even a close friend yet, and then by her mother. After that, it still took a long time for me to become accustomed to people hugging me, and even now I always wait for the other person to initiate the hug. I was an exceptionally shy child growing up, who seldom spoke unless spoken to. I've overcome my shyness but the socially awkward part of me is still very present. I don't know how to relate to people and that keeps most people at a distance. I also became very independent, by necessity, and most people recognize that and think I don't need anything. And that may be true, in a purely metaphysical way. But not in a spiritual way. God recognized in the first man that we should not be alone. The wisest man ever to live realized that we shouldn't do everything on our own. I may not need someone to help me fix my car, but it's nice to have assistance. I have no problem going to see movies alone, but it's nice to have company. There have been many times when I've nearly fallen down, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and other times when I've held back from doing something for fear of falling down. But I did not trust that there would be someone there to pick me up.
While dwelling on these points, it caused me to reexamine my faith in God and the sacrifice of His Son, and even after such testing it is still intact. Even while my soul is longing for understanding I am able to worship. And I wondered why that was. Some would say I am holding on to religion out of desperation, because I have nothing else. But I think that it would be easier to ignore what I've never had if I didn't place a spiritual significance with it. My life was, and still is, far from bad. I grew up surrounded by people who love me and continue to be surrounded by love, even if that love isn't always manifested in ways I can see. If I didn't believe in Jesus' sacrificial love, I wouldn't expect sacrifice from others. So I don't think I hold on to my faith because I think I need it. In all honesty, life often seems like it would be so much easier without it, at least until I got to a "better" spot in life where believing didn't seem to get in the way.
So why have faith? Because even though I feel like I am lacking, I know in other areas I have been given in abundance. I quit my full-time, steady job in April and haven't worked more than 40 hours in a month, let alone a week, since then. My savings and student loan money ran out in September and I was having a harder time finding a job than I thought I would. I was turned down for several jobs that I seemed perfect for, even though it seemed when I left the interview they were ready to hire me on the spot. But other opportunities were also presented, which provided me with just enough for what I needed, and led to me making great friendships that will outlast any job I could have had. And that is just one example of how has provided. I could go on and on. It is unfair of me to expect everything from God and then only give Him partial faith. If I believe that He has fulfilled some of His promises, I must believe that He will fulfill them all. The Bible is an all or nothing book.
Not that it helps with the hurt. But at least when I look past the pain, I realize there is hope.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Word in Action
Several Sundays ago, I went to the Set Free church. Set Free is a mission ministry for homeless men, run by men who were formerly homeless. They have two shelters in town and hold church services in one of the buildings on Sunday morning. After being in a place that has such big production services, with full rock band and lights and video, it was nice to attend a service with just a handful of people using nothing but our voices to praise the Lord.
After the service, I met a man named Bill. Bill used to be in a quartet and he told me how his quartet sang at his wedding. The only song they knew at the time was Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. He also told me that they held their wedding in a coffee shop, one that was created for homeless people to have a place to hang out in. Because of this, none of his wife's wealthy friends wanted to come to the wedding. Bill told me they went out and invited all the street people they could find, and they came to the wedding instead. Bill also told me that they hadn't planned a reception, but someone donated a bunch of bagels and drinks and so they were able to provide food for their wedding guests. A band that had been in town also offered to play at their reception. So this wedding, that was originally planned to be very small and could have turned out to be a disaster, became an event much larger than they could have imagined, and a direct reflection of the story in the Bible.
I don't know Bill well enough to know how much truth is in his story. But I want it to be true. And I believe he believes everything he remembers about it. This story is a great example of how God is the same today as He has always been. The great works He performed in the times of the Bible, He is still performing now.
But it doesn't stop there. Sadly, Bill's marriage wasn't nearly as perfect as his wedding, and he and his wife are no longer together. It's hard to imagine how someone could experience something so perfect, something so obviously ordained by God, and still walk away from it. Yet people do that every day. God continues to perform miracles, yet people reject Him, they mock Him, they tell Him He doesn't know what He's doing. Even as we fail daily and sin, we are discrediting God's perfect design. A great experience, a miracle, helps in strengthening our faith, but it does not perfect that. Perfect faith can only come through time. Bill still has faith, which is an amazing thing. I hope that when the miracles in my life turn to imperfections, I can say the same thing.
After the service, I met a man named Bill. Bill used to be in a quartet and he told me how his quartet sang at his wedding. The only song they knew at the time was Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. He also told me that they held their wedding in a coffee shop, one that was created for homeless people to have a place to hang out in. Because of this, none of his wife's wealthy friends wanted to come to the wedding. Bill told me they went out and invited all the street people they could find, and they came to the wedding instead. Bill also told me that they hadn't planned a reception, but someone donated a bunch of bagels and drinks and so they were able to provide food for their wedding guests. A band that had been in town also offered to play at their reception. So this wedding, that was originally planned to be very small and could have turned out to be a disaster, became an event much larger than they could have imagined, and a direct reflection of the story in the Bible.
I don't know Bill well enough to know how much truth is in his story. But I want it to be true. And I believe he believes everything he remembers about it. This story is a great example of how God is the same today as He has always been. The great works He performed in the times of the Bible, He is still performing now.
But it doesn't stop there. Sadly, Bill's marriage wasn't nearly as perfect as his wedding, and he and his wife are no longer together. It's hard to imagine how someone could experience something so perfect, something so obviously ordained by God, and still walk away from it. Yet people do that every day. God continues to perform miracles, yet people reject Him, they mock Him, they tell Him He doesn't know what He's doing. Even as we fail daily and sin, we are discrediting God's perfect design. A great experience, a miracle, helps in strengthening our faith, but it does not perfect that. Perfect faith can only come through time. Bill still has faith, which is an amazing thing. I hope that when the miracles in my life turn to imperfections, I can say the same thing.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Tonight, while I was working, I was listening to Sam Cooke songs on Napster. His rendition of "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen" came on, a version I hadn't heard before. Now, when I think of this song, as I suspect many people do, I think of it as it is portrayed in the Lion King, all sad and gloomy and with a lot of woe is me angst. I've always thought of it as a self pity song. But in Sam Cooke's version, the tempo and vocals are much more cheerful and he ends the main riff with "glory, Hallelujah!" At first this seemed to be somewhat of an odd phrase to add to the song, but then I changed my perspective of the lyrics and it made perfect sense.
When sung as a praise, it could be taken to mean he recognizes the hardships he's had to go through in life, and is grateful that no one else has had to endure it. This would imply that although he is struggling on the inside, on the outside he still appears strong. Not a fake strength to put on a happy face, but a strength that can only be found in having the joy of the Lord. It reminded me of the passage where Jesus instructed people not to tear their clothes and put on sackcloth when they mourn, as was the custom. Just because we're going through hard times it doesn't mean we should throw ourselves pity parties and let everyone know about our trouble. This is not to say that we can not employ the help of trusted and faithful friends when necessary. But the purpose of our trials is not to gain the sympathy of others, but to produce endurance, according to the book of James. It is my prayer that I can sing joyfully about the troubles I've seen and, when reflecting on them, cry out "glory, Hallelujah!"
When sung as a praise, it could be taken to mean he recognizes the hardships he's had to go through in life, and is grateful that no one else has had to endure it. This would imply that although he is struggling on the inside, on the outside he still appears strong. Not a fake strength to put on a happy face, but a strength that can only be found in having the joy of the Lord. It reminded me of the passage where Jesus instructed people not to tear their clothes and put on sackcloth when they mourn, as was the custom. Just because we're going through hard times it doesn't mean we should throw ourselves pity parties and let everyone know about our trouble. This is not to say that we can not employ the help of trusted and faithful friends when necessary. But the purpose of our trials is not to gain the sympathy of others, but to produce endurance, according to the book of James. It is my prayer that I can sing joyfully about the troubles I've seen and, when reflecting on them, cry out "glory, Hallelujah!"
Sunday, June 13, 2010
This past week I was a small group leader for vacation bible school. I taught a group, primarily of boys, who had just graduated from 4th grade, so 9 and 10 year olds. Each child had such a unique personality but they were all some of the greatest kids I've ever worked with. One boy in particular caught my attention. He reminded me of the type of kids that would be my favorites when I worked at camp, except this boy was much more well behaved. One thing that struck me was that whenever we finished doing something, whether it was an object lesson during small group time or a craft, he would ask me if he could throw it away. I told him he could if he really wanted to, but asked if he had anyone he could give it to and he said no. On the second day they made bandannas in craft time. He threw it away, but I went back and picked it up. I think he saw me as I was folding it and put it in my pocket, but didn't say anything. The fourth day, they made bible covers. He asked me again if he could throw it away, but this time I asked him to take it home with him so he had time to think about it, and then if he really didn't want it, he could throw it away there. He smiled and said ok. The next day they made necklaces in crafts. This time he didn't ask me if he could throw it away.
I don't know if anything I taught this week about the bible sunk in with any of them. But it was such a blessing to me to watch him, and the rest of them, come out of their comfort zones and allow me to care for them. It's my prayer that by showing them that they're worthwhile to me, they learn to discover their own worth, and realize that they're also worthwhile to God.
I don't know if anything I taught this week about the bible sunk in with any of them. But it was such a blessing to me to watch him, and the rest of them, come out of their comfort zones and allow me to care for them. It's my prayer that by showing them that they're worthwhile to me, they learn to discover their own worth, and realize that they're also worthwhile to God.
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