I generally live my life without expectation. Part of it is so that I won't be disappointed and some os so that I am genuinely pleased with whatever the outcome. For the latter, I'm not sure why I can only be glad when things turn out better than I'd hoped (or not hoped). Why is it difficult for me to be content when things go as I expect? Yet when my expectations are not met, I am devastated.

By not having expectations, am I setting myself up to be content with mediocre? If I don't think about what is possible to be achieved, I never know what the potential can be. With expectations, I must remember there is always the option to raise or lower them if needed. But, without them, I have no benchmark by which my standards are set.

In thinking about my hopes and desires - in career, in friendship, in family - am I pursuing things that are worth the risk?

The woman who was healed from bleeding came forward trembling when Jesus asked who touched Him. She had a great amount of faith, but she probably also had a great amount of fear. Others who wanted healing from Jesus would often call out to Him. The lame man even had friends lower him from the roof. Many people came boldly to Jesus. Even Jairus had come boldly, knowing Jesus would help him. But this lady did not even attempt to get His attention, that we're aware of. Perhaps she didn't think she'd be noticed among the crowd. But chances are she didn't feel worthy of Jesus' attention. He was the Teacher and walking with a man of importance. What if He noticed her and rejected her? I can totally relate to her.

When Jesus stopped and called her out, she was shaking with fear. She probably felt as if she would be seen as a thief, stealing power from Jesus. Perhaps He would make the bleeding start again, this time worse. Perhaps He would curse her, humiliate her, and make her even more alone. Instead, Jesus embraced her. He called her "daughter." Not only was she healed, she was loved. Because of her faith.

If she had all of those fears, she risked them all because of her faith. The risk of being rejected was worth it to be healed. Too often we remain in our suffering because we are afraid of the potential consequences of finding healing. This was not the first time she tried to be healed. She lost everything in attempt to be healed. Many people would have given up. But she did not. And because of her faith she finally found healing.

It's not always necessary for us to reach the bottom to receive healing. But we must come to the realization that our hope comes from God, not in anything man can create.

"While the crowd backed away, He drew in close." - Jamie George. Not only did Jesus heal her, He wanted her to be known. She had been an outcast for years, and Jesus caused everyone to take notice that she was healed. He publicly expressed that she was clean and that she is beloved. He provides physical and emotional healing.


"A blessing is the visible, perceptible, effective proximity of God." - D. Bonhoffer

"What we obtain too cheap we esteem too lightly." - Thomas Payne

"To have faith is to see everything against an infinite horizon." - Rolheiser, Against the Infinite Horizon

"Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity." Henri Nouwen, The Voice of Inner Love

"Exposure frees us to take in the humanity of our failure and humiliation." Dan Alldean

When Jairus came to Jesus to plead for Him to help his daughter, he ran through the crowd. At this time, it was not socially acceptable to run. Jairus was also a religious leader, and most of the leaders by this time were already plotting against Jesus. Yet Jairus was "desperate for hope" so he threw away things that were comfortable and acceptable to ask for help.

When he reached Jesus, he didn't try to barter or make a case because of his status. He merely begged for Jesus to help. I think this is a good example of his faith and his acceptance of where he stood. Often we think we need to make a case for the things we ask for. We do this because we either think that we are not worthy on our own or we have a greater right to be helped than others. It's interesting that thinking too little of ourselves of thinking too highly of ourselves can manifest in the same way.

There's much to be said about the verse "let your yes be yes and your no be no." Trust is simple. Fear, doubt, pride, jealous, insecurities make things complicated. They make us need to elaborate, to justify our thoughts, our dreams, our existance.

Jesus knew who he was and he knew who Jesus was. He was just a man approaching the Son of God who loves. Jairus gave no reason for why Jesus should come, yet he expected Jesus would choose to help. And when the men came and told him his daughter was dead, he believed enough to allow Jesus to continue to come. Even when he saw his daughter lying dead he had hope.

The people at Jairus' house laughed when Jesus said the girl was sleeping. Because of that, He removed them from the room before performing His miracle. if faith allows God to show us miracles, disbelief prevents miracles from happening. We may accept Jesus and believe in the things He did thousands of years ago. But what about today? Are we - am I - willing to believe in miracles today, or do we just take everything at face value?

Jairus ran to Jesus out of desperation. Sometimes that's the place we need to get to to have the depth of faith we need. No matter our motivation, God still accepts us with open arms when we come to Him with a sincere heart.

Romans 4:17 - God is a dreamer. He sees what things could be, not what they are. Their potential.

This is a character trait of God that I've acquired. I do not limit people by who they are but see them for what they can become. So why do I limit myself? I must dare to dream today.

I like watching Once Upon a Time because it creates a back story to help us understand the actions of the villains from classic fairy tales. For awhile we're sympathetic to them because of the plight that made them this way. Until they later do not own up to their actions and instead try to play the victim, thus turning back to their evil ways. I like to take this approach when thinking about Judas. Although we don't know how long Jesus knew Judas would betray him, the Father had to know all along and I'm sure Jesus prayed before choosing the twelve. So I always wonder if Judas was chosen just to play the role of villain or if he had a pure heart in the beginning but would inevitably be led astray and God chose to use that quality.

There are so many questions surrounding Judas. Did he ever truly believe that Jesus was the Son of God? Did he know what would happen to Jesus after he betrayed Him? I tend to think the answer to the second question is no. He spent three years with Jesus. He saw Him do miracles. He saw Him disappear in the middle of a crowd. I almost feel like it was a bad prank gone wrong. Judas got greedy and saw it as an opportunity to pay Jesus back for doing things he didn't approve of. Maybe he thought, since Jesus knew what he was doing, he would disappear before he got back. Maybe he thought he would perform a miracle and turn their swords into salamanders. Maybe he thought He would be taken to the Romans, given a bit of public flogging and then sent on His way. None of the disciples expected the events that took place. We have no reason to believe that Judas was any different.

It is important to me to remember that Judas may not have been a super villain. He may have been a guy with good intentions who suffered from greed and other afflictions that everyone else deals with. Some speculate he only followed Jesus because he thought he would rise to power. This may be true, but three years is a long time to wait and if he did think He would rise to power, it's because he believed that He was the Son of God. This is important for me because, in remembering this, I realize that I'm not that much unlike Judas.

I love Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. I'll follow where He leads me. But I can be really, really selfish sometimes. I want love, I want comfort, I want acceptance, all on my own terms. And like Judas' reaction when Jesus' feet were washed in expensive perfume, sometimes the things acceptable to God are not acceptable to me. And sometimes, like Judas, I choose to take matters into my own hand, to produce an outcome more appealing than what God has done so far. I try to rush His plan along, or change it completely. I think, one small pleasure won't hurt anything. After all the worldliness I sacrifice, surely I deserve it, right?

Judas just wanted money, and maybe to teach Jesus a lesson. Instead, his actions led to the death of the Lamb. And while God purposed this for His glory, Judas never recovered and eventually lost his life. There are many justifiable speculations that say that Judas lived long enough to see the resurrected Savior. But even with that He still lost it all. I've seen many people plagued by their humanity to the point where they are unable to recover from an act of weakness.

Weakness is inevitable. Only through God's strength do I have the power to keep from becoming like Judas.

When people speculate about Jesus' childhood, He's always made out to be perfect. People think He was always polite, always a hard worker, the perfect student and the perfect carpenter. But I believe Jesus was actually pretty average. I'm sure He did all of His schoolwork, but He probably daydreamed in class on more than one occasion. When learning how to be a carpenter He probably hit His hand with a hammer a few times, or mismeasured and made a lopsided table. Even in His sinlessness, He probably did things to frustrate His parents. In fact, we hear of one instance when they lost Him in the temple. I believe all this sinlessness is not the same thing as perfection. If Jesus was perfect, it wouldn't have been as much of a surprise when He began teaching. If Jesus was perfect, He would never have been able to experience all that I have, because many of my sufferings are a result of some inability I have.

Far too often we try to link perfection and sin. And while sin blemishes us, this is only a spiritual imperfection. My emotional imbalance is a form of imperfection, but does that make me a sinner? Regardless of how often I play my guitar I don't get much better. Does that make me a sinner?

Sin separates us from God. Our tendency to equate perfection and sinlessness soon takes us to a place where we believe that God loves us less because of what we can't do. If we're not a great scholar, great artist, great athlete, then God doesn't care for us as much as those who are. When we have to quit a workout before it is over, God is disappointed in us. When we get rejection letters from schools, or don't get hired after a job interview, or face rejection from a friend or significant other, we feel that God is rejecting us.

Where does this concept come from? And how can we counter it? I am thankful that this is no longer a mindset I hold, although at times it is difficult not to slip back into that way of thinking. Is the secret to accepting our imperfection recognizing our worth? Value outside of society- just an assessment of our potential and realization of how great we have been created by God. Or perhaps we just need to open ourselves up more to experience God's love. The people we love the most are the ones we also have an easier time overlooking their flaws. In fact, in some instances we don't even recognize the flaws are even there. As we let God love us more and more, we will realize that when God looks at us, all He sees is something beautiful. And as with a love relationship between two people, the more time we spend with God the more we begin to see ourselves the way He sees us. Then even the things we can't do become reasons for us to rejoice in ourselves.