In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus tells us that when we are angry we are subject to judgement, and when we call each other names we are at risk of being subject to the fire of hell. Not all anger is sinful, but when we take our anger and place it in contempt of others, we insult God's creation and thus insult God Himself.

Raca = you idiot
You fool = you moron

Entertaining rage and bitterness allows it to take hold of your life. It overruns us and does not leave room for joy and love. For many people, it can completely demolish their lives. it can be difficult to turn around from such a state, and impossible to do without God.

Lashing out toward others places us on a fast track of isolation, which is our hell. God will always stand on the side of love. But what causes us to insult others? Fear. Pride. Pain. Things only He can take away. As humans, we fail and hurt others. But if we repent, we can be saved.

James talks about the power of the tongue. The tongue has the power to kill. Too often we hear of people who hurt themselves, and sometimes even kill themselves, because of bullies. I joke that my superpower is to make people feel the way I want them to. But it is true, not just of me but of everyone. In my last entry, I wrote about the Eccelsia sermon on words. Cory Monteith's death was a result of lack of good words. Whatever happened in his life, it was never enough. It is my desire that with everyone I encounter I let them know they are enough.

God is perfect, yet He finds it in Himself to forgive. And to love. So why do we think we are better than God, that we are too good to forgive and to love as He does?

...because He first loved me.

I've written a lot about love. If you don't want to sort through all my old posts you can read my most verbal entry about love here. That entry is full of verses and truths. This entry will be filled with opinion. I try to shy away from doing that, but I feel it is founded opinion and I need to get it out.

When I was a kid, the pastor at my church often sang the song "Oh, How I Love Jesus." One day when she sang it she started with an intro of "Sandrene, do you love Jesus?" to which I had to sing back. She followed up with "Do you really love Jesus?" and "Tell me why you love Jesus." I listed off all my multitude of reasons, in true 7 or 8 year old fashion. She then did this with several other kids in our group, then asked us to ask her. When she got to "Tell me why you love Jesus?" she also listed several reasons, and then followed up with the last line of the chorus, "because He first loved me." At that moment, it breathed new life into the meaning of that song for me, and the depth of my relationship with God.

So many people see the New Testament as the love story and the Old Testament as the book about the tyrant Father. And while the OT tells more stories about the vengeful side of God, the Bible tells us that God is always the same. So the God of love if the NT is the same God of the OT. And John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world..." It's not that Jesus came and then God loved. God loved, so Jesus came. The sacrifice of the Son was a manifestation of the Father's love for us, not a conduit that allowed Him to love, as some would frame it to be.

This just proves to me that love is reciprocal. And I see it echoed in life. As a child, I obeyed my mother because she loved me and I loved her. As an adult, I now do things for her because of that love relationship. The same is true of my friends. I spend time with them, listen to them, help them, not because I feel obligated to, but because I love them. Even with God, I obey His commands with gladness because I love Him. And because I know He loves me and wants what's best for me. In none of these situations is it a chore or feels like a list of demands or requirements for a relationship. For the most part, it comes naturally.

So, what of those who I don't give to as easily? And, more relevant to my current situation, what of those who don't give to me? The ones who don't ask what's wrong because they're afraid of the answer, or just don't want to spend time listening to it? The ones who won't commit to doing something in case something better comes along? The ones who choose what is convenient for them over a commitment made to a friend? To me, this is not love. And anything outside of love is not beneficial.

God loves regardless of who loves Him back. So, no matter how difficult it may be sometimes, I need to do the same. But there is also a separation between God and those who choose not to love Him. Part of me feels like this should be true of us as well. Letting people who only receive love into my inner circle has brought nothing but heartache. So, at least for a little while, I will hold people who do not actively love me back at arm's length away. My life may become an island as a result of it, but at least my island won't be on fire.

James 1:19 - every person should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Last night Tommy and I got back to my hostel a little after 3, after hanging out with KJ then getting food. There was a parking spot available, but as I pulled into it the person on duty came out and told me I couldn't park there. He didn't speak very well, not English anyway, and his way of conveying his message came across as a bit rude. I was pretty tired and responded in kind, which  made the situation unpleasant. After awhile I chose to soften my demeanor and respond more softly. Doing so caused Miguel to soften his demeanor as well and we were able to come to an understanding. He and the other guy with him were then willing to work with me, but not with Tommy.

Today at church, the pastor is speaking about words. His message is to read the Bible more. As we delve deeper into His word we learn more about Him and love Him more. As we love Him more, and spend more time with Him, we become more like Him. If I remain in God's Word, my words will be beneficial and I would not need to concentrate so hard to tame my tongue. Instead of backtracking to repair a bad situation, I would not allow myself to fall into such situations. Most people remember the negative, even when it is presented in the midst of good. As ridiculous as it is, this is human nature.

Yesterday, Cory Monteith was found dead, alone. He had been struggling with drugs since he was 13. That in itself is heartbreaking. He was apparently open about his struggles and checked into rehab at 19 and then again a few months ago. Whether or not his death was drug related, it doesn't make the story any less tragic. 18 years of struggling. There are people who have overcome addiction, but I have not heard of anyone who did so without support and hope. That Cory continued to struggle shows that he lacked one, maybe both. And while we can't control how another feels, we can help facilitate each other toward the positive, instead of the negative. Thinking about self-help techniques, most of them talk about daily affirmations. There is power in words. The words we say to ourselves guide our attitude. But is is easier to believe things when others tell us the same thing, confirming our thoughts. This works with the positive and negative. Maybe Cory was given more negative than positive. Maybe his negative just weighed more than the positive and a few more positive words would have tipped the scale. How much more support and hope did he need for this to become a success story of recovery instead of a tragedy?

This week I will be spending time with friends I only see once a year. I don't know any well enough to know what they may be struggling with. Some I don't know at all. It is my prayer that I don't let my insecurities prevent me from engaging. I also pray that my words are always uplifting, even in the midst of potential rumors and hostility. I want to be the light and support for people to see there is always hope.


1. Ask - ask God what He wants to teach us; everything that comes to mind
2. Answer - don't neglect looking for answers
3. Act - requires change and discomfort
* Don't stop at the asking!


"We love the warmth of doubt, because it doesn't feel like commitment." - Joseph @ Ecclesia

When Jesus called Matthew, he got up and followed Him. This means that He knew who Jesus was. He knew that He was a teacher, a great man. Matthew also knew that he, as a tax collector, was hated among the Jews.

When Jesus walked by, Matthew probably felt a small tinge of guilt or shame. Here it is, a great man walking by, and Matthew knew the reputation that went along with his job. Matthew probably expected to be judged, despised and looked down upon. He most definitely didn't expect acceptance. Yet, not only did Jesus not criticize him, He told him He wanted him to be in His presence. Jesus wanted to spend time with the outcast.

I try to accept everyone. But sometimes my reaction is just tolerance. Saying "come hang out with me" is so easy. And although I am not great, we all see each other as better than ourselves. We are quick to notice others' good qualities and focus on our own flaws. I want to always be a person who looks beyond others' flaws and show a love of acceptance. Sometimes, that is the loudest type of love we can show.

I generally live my life without expectation. Part of it is so that I won't be disappointed and some os so that I am genuinely pleased with whatever the outcome. For the latter, I'm not sure why I can only be glad when things turn out better than I'd hoped (or not hoped). Why is it difficult for me to be content when things go as I expect? Yet when my expectations are not met, I am devastated.

By not having expectations, am I setting myself up to be content with mediocre? If I don't think about what is possible to be achieved, I never know what the potential can be. With expectations, I must remember there is always the option to raise or lower them if needed. But, without them, I have no benchmark by which my standards are set.

In thinking about my hopes and desires - in career, in friendship, in family - am I pursuing things that are worth the risk?

The woman who was healed from bleeding came forward trembling when Jesus asked who touched Him. She had a great amount of faith, but she probably also had a great amount of fear. Others who wanted healing from Jesus would often call out to Him. The lame man even had friends lower him from the roof. Many people came boldly to Jesus. Even Jairus had come boldly, knowing Jesus would help him. But this lady did not even attempt to get His attention, that we're aware of. Perhaps she didn't think she'd be noticed among the crowd. But chances are she didn't feel worthy of Jesus' attention. He was the Teacher and walking with a man of importance. What if He noticed her and rejected her? I can totally relate to her.

When Jesus stopped and called her out, she was shaking with fear. She probably felt as if she would be seen as a thief, stealing power from Jesus. Perhaps He would make the bleeding start again, this time worse. Perhaps He would curse her, humiliate her, and make her even more alone. Instead, Jesus embraced her. He called her "daughter." Not only was she healed, she was loved. Because of her faith.

If she had all of those fears, she risked them all because of her faith. The risk of being rejected was worth it to be healed. Too often we remain in our suffering because we are afraid of the potential consequences of finding healing. This was not the first time she tried to be healed. She lost everything in attempt to be healed. Many people would have given up. But she did not. And because of her faith she finally found healing.

It's not always necessary for us to reach the bottom to receive healing. But we must come to the realization that our hope comes from God, not in anything man can create.

"While the crowd backed away, He drew in close." - Jamie George. Not only did Jesus heal her, He wanted her to be known. She had been an outcast for years, and Jesus caused everyone to take notice that she was healed. He publicly expressed that she was clean and that she is beloved. He provides physical and emotional healing.


"A blessing is the visible, perceptible, effective proximity of God." - D. Bonhoffer

"What we obtain too cheap we esteem too lightly." - Thomas Payne

"To have faith is to see everything against an infinite horizon." - Rolheiser, Against the Infinite Horizon

"Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity." Henri Nouwen, The Voice of Inner Love

"Exposure frees us to take in the humanity of our failure and humiliation." Dan Alldean

When Jairus came to Jesus to plead for Him to help his daughter, he ran through the crowd. At this time, it was not socially acceptable to run. Jairus was also a religious leader, and most of the leaders by this time were already plotting against Jesus. Yet Jairus was "desperate for hope" so he threw away things that were comfortable and acceptable to ask for help.

When he reached Jesus, he didn't try to barter or make a case because of his status. He merely begged for Jesus to help. I think this is a good example of his faith and his acceptance of where he stood. Often we think we need to make a case for the things we ask for. We do this because we either think that we are not worthy on our own or we have a greater right to be helped than others. It's interesting that thinking too little of ourselves of thinking too highly of ourselves can manifest in the same way.

There's much to be said about the verse "let your yes be yes and your no be no." Trust is simple. Fear, doubt, pride, jealous, insecurities make things complicated. They make us need to elaborate, to justify our thoughts, our dreams, our existance.

Jesus knew who he was and he knew who Jesus was. He was just a man approaching the Son of God who loves. Jairus gave no reason for why Jesus should come, yet he expected Jesus would choose to help. And when the men came and told him his daughter was dead, he believed enough to allow Jesus to continue to come. Even when he saw his daughter lying dead he had hope.

The people at Jairus' house laughed when Jesus said the girl was sleeping. Because of that, He removed them from the room before performing His miracle. if faith allows God to show us miracles, disbelief prevents miracles from happening. We may accept Jesus and believe in the things He did thousands of years ago. But what about today? Are we - am I - willing to believe in miracles today, or do we just take everything at face value?

Jairus ran to Jesus out of desperation. Sometimes that's the place we need to get to to have the depth of faith we need. No matter our motivation, God still accepts us with open arms when we come to Him with a sincere heart.